HAHAHA! SO FUNNY! I'M A STALKER! HAHA!

This happened in 2016. I was very angry when I wrote it.

Hello again dear reader! I had an interaction with people last night and I'm angry frustrated and confused.

First, a little about me... I'm a reservist. I'm a good Soldier. When ordered to jump, I say "How high Sir?" I'm a good Dad, I cook the meals and entertain the kids and pay the bills. I've tried to be a good husband, I did my two years as a STAHD, I've taken the heat when finances get too hot, I've done the chores when the wife needs a break. I'm a good teacher, I meet kids where they are, I strive to be inclusive not exclusive (which is a problem in my subject area) I work my butt off for the kids (student kids, not my kids). What I'm getting at is that I try my damnedest to be a good guy. I'm a pleaser type personality. I like helping people and I like making people smile and/or laugh, and I like making the world a better place.

But I have one HUGE problem.

I'm a white man. 

When I meet someone, it assumed immediately that I am a dude-bro Chad-tastic racist ass douche nozzle that is clearly hitting on, stalking, roofying, molesting, raping, and getting away with it.

I started to notice this when my kids were little and I was active duty. I was in uniform a lot. Guys in uniform are typically seen as safe (at least here in the U.S., I imagine that uniform means something quite different on another continent... but that's not what we're discussing right now) for whatever reason, and if I smiled at another person, male or female, they smiled back. If I made a comment on the weather, they talked back. It was nice and polite. I also noticed this when I had my kiddos with me (mine, not the students). Other women, young and old, looked at me and smiled, or they talked to me (usually first!) about the weather or when their kids were young. Nobody judged my parenting, nobody critiqued me, nobody said anything about how great it was to see a father with his kids without Mommy around. Other Dad's and I would exchange the "struggle is real" glances, but never really say anything because of man rules, other non-Dad men would usually smile, but I could guess they were smiling at the fact that it was me and not them. Which is fine, I WANTED to have kids! If they don't want kids then for cryin' out loud DON'T.

So back to the point here... I started to notice that when I was not in uniform or when I was alone and I would smile or make polite small talk with people, their reactions were significantly different. I definitely got accustomed to polite interactions and it was very jarring to get the "why are you hitting on me old man" response. Or the "you and your privilege" response. I get it. I absolutely acknowledge my white male privilege. I was just trying to be polite. My bad.

So I stopped.

I stopped making polite small talk. I stopped offering polite assistance. I stopped being my pleaser attitude self, I stopped working so hard, I stopped making the coffee for my wife, I stopped doing my share of the chores, I stopped cracking jokes, I stopped hugging my daughter.

Last night my wife and I were on a parents night out. We stopped at a Target to use the bathroom and out of minor guilt, we were buying something. My wife was the purchaser and I stood a respectful subordinate 3-4 feet behind her while she was checking out. The cashier looked at me accusatorially, "Who the fuck are you white boy?" I politely responded "I'm with her,"  and my wife confirmed. The cashier and my wife then proceeded to joke about the cashiers hand being on the stalker button and how we all just gotta' make sure that I'm not a stalker and thanks for getting my back. They were having a good ole' time.

Meanwhile,

HAHAHA! SO FUNNY! I'M A STALKER! HAHA!

I already mentioned that I firmly acknowledge white privilege. Read my blog posts from years ago. I've been in the abused child jail time track. But I had the opportunity to get out of it. Many people of color don't have that chance. I have tried most of my life to help lift others up. But I'm white. The general response is that I am incapable of understanding the plight of others. I assure you I do. I have proven it again and again to different groups of people. But guys. I'm getting old. I'm tired of proving it to more people. I'm tired of being treated like a chad-tastic-dude-bro-whatever-I-said-earlier and then not being able to stand up for myself. If I stand up for myself, like I did with my wife later in the evening, I'm being "overly sensitive, I ruined the night, it wasn't intended like that, why did you stand their awkward and make her think you were a stalker."

Seriously?! Isn't that victim blaming? I mean I hate claiming to be a victim here because I'm not a victim, but pretty sure that's what you would call victim blaming... Or am I mansplaining that?

I'm trying to be better for the world people... I know you are angry at white men. I'm angry at white men too! Or orange depending on your perspective... I will take as much of your anger as I can, but I'm not that guy, and I'm reaching my capacity.

When I assumed things about people in my youth, I got corrected and berated for it and I fixed my behaviors. Can you be the change you force on me? Can you be a good person first rather than assuming I'm a stalker?