Breadwinner NOT BREADWINNER

I wrote this in 2015.

You know my dear reader... I forgot I even had a blog (kinda'... It was way back there in the back of my head). I'm glad I found it again! I've had some stuff on my mind and maybe this can help me process it.

For the last 7 years, since my oldest child was born, I've been the primary breadwinner for my family. I taught high school, then I was active duty military (active guard reserve in Oregon). Over time in my AGR position I started wanting to get back into teaching, I think I was emotionally recovering from my first few teaching jobs. Some pretty rough things happened! Anyway, the chance to move out of my AGR position without too much impact came, and this past year we uprooted the whole fam damily and moved from whence we came back in 2003.

We took some risks and moved here without gainful employment. It's not that we didn't try, obviously moving to a new city with kids, but without employment is a bad idea, it's that my teaching certificate wasn't active or current so no one wanted to hire me, and in my wife's case, it's because she was applying for the jobs she REALLY wanted. We both figured that there was such a HUGE shortage of teachers and subs that we could at least sub, or get the late August elementary itinerant jobs, either way, we'd be able to pay rent and eat. So we moved!

The day we signed our lease in our apartment, literally as the landlord was here with us signing papers, Tina got her dream job. Well... she got called for an interview and it was a "we can't tell you to stop applying for other jobs, but you're the only person we're interviewing for this position" type of phone call, so... yeah, there ya' go. Anyway, point is, she got a full time teaching position. Which meant that I was going to be the primary parent. I had been thinking about switching that role with my wife for this move because I would often get frustrated at the way she did things at home. It's nothing big, it's just not the way I'd do it, and blah blah blah enter standard married couple complaint here. You ever read that kids book "Goofy Minds the House?" It's like that! Bottom line is that I thought I could do it better. So, neat! I'm a stay-at-home-Dad! STAHD! Weee!! Then I got a part-time job teaching band! So back into teaching only part time and then STAHD! Weee?

We're going into a couple years in on this little STAHD project and there are some things I was expecting and some things that I wasn't. Some things I was expecting: I do 80% of the housework. Laundry, dishes, cooking, basic chores. My wife is pretty good at seeing when I'm pretty sick of something in particular and getting on top of it for a few days, but I do the majority of the stuff. I have had the time to learn some cool cooking techniques, fermenting, making sourdough, doing some more beer brewing, figuring out the Kamato pot (big green egg is the company that makes 'em now) my Grandpa gave to me for barbecueing or smoking, and hopefully figuring out how to make cheese soon. I was able to do almost ALL of the paperwork for buying our house, and I've been Johnny on the Spot for almost all of the "emergencies" (in quotes because they're minor "I forgot the eggs at the store" type emergencies) that have come up in the course of having a young family.  I have done fairly well with all these things.

Some things I did not expect. The time my wife threw her being the primary breadwinner in my face. We were arguing about something, I don't remember what and it doesn't really matter, but she said something along the lines of "well since I make the money now..." Oh? Ok then. I don't recall ME ever saying anything that offensive and asshole-ish in the 7 years I was paying the bills? I also did not expect that comment to hurt for as long as it did. Am I being a shitbag?! Should I quit teaching (again) and find another job (again) and make money?!

These are my questions!!??