This is by NO MEANS the full adventure, it started 5 months before this, but that's in a different blog entry! This is just the actual trip! I'm writing this almost 8 months after, but The Wife had a road diary for me to reference. These are my memories!
We had the party at Golden Gardens on Tuesday July 9th 2019.
So from there,
July 10th - Seattle To Boise we made stops at Cle Elum and Pendleton, OR 504 miles total. What I remember was packing up the last few things in our trailer and in the Subaru Outback (my Toyota we shipped a week or two prior). Tina and I were whisper fighting the WHOLE MORNING. I don't remember what it was, but I'm sure it had to do with our differences in packing style. She wants everything in a particular order so we can get it out, I want it in their tied down so it won't fly around when I take a corner. The Wife's tears in the FB picture, while mostly about having to leave this place, were started by that fight. LAME.
So we stopped for lunch and got into the HAWTNESS of summer away from the west coast, and off to Boise. I think Pendleton we just stopped for gas and potty and a quick snack. We got to my cousins house around 6 pm and he fed us and we had some fun talking about parenting and our family and making fun of each other. Good times!
11th - Boise to Salt Lake. So my cousin had a Purple mattress for my uncle and now that's what we have, so that's cool. But his dog is an abused Basset Hound and SO ANNOYING. I get it Johnny, a neurotic breed with emotional issues but for crying out loud STOP SCRATCHING AT THE DOOR. My cousins daughter was in Spain and she left some nasty mess in her bedroom/bathroom, but that's kinda' what we expect from teens right? HA!
Stops at Malad Gorge, Twin Falls, ID, Tremonton, UT, Willard Bay State Park, Eagle Mountain, UT total of 376 miles.
So Malad Gorge was an opportunity stop. From the road you could barely see it, and if you were walking or came across it on a horse 100 years ago it would've snuck up on you there too! Yikes! It was AMAZING! It was huge and steep and scary. If you found yourself stuck in the bottom of that, oh boy you could've been screwed! I seem to remember some old west criminals did exactly that and ended up dying of starvation. Willard Bay State park we stopped to go swimming and I remember being surprised at how many people in a mostly Mormon region had surgical enhancements. I also remember taking in the mountains as much as possible because they weren't the mountains I was used to, and there was a good chance I wouldn't be seeing mountains again for a few years. Sad Dad! We stayed at a friend of Tina's, they were GREAT. They made tacos and explained how much the region had changed in the last couple years. Exponential growth, which kinda' surprised me about Salt Lake City. Why?? She said it was just because it was so expensive in California, but there's gotta' be something else?
We came up with a name for the prayer plant the 4th time I had to get him out of the trailer. He's now known as "Jack." (If I forget later, he did live and is thriving in Miami). We also drove through a surprise thunder storm and saw a small twister off the side of the freeway. WOAAAHH....
Sam and Noelle had a BLAST playing with their kids and the pictures we got from their housing development are beautiful, even my poor photograph skills couldn't screw up that scenery.
12th - Salt Lake City to Arches National Park with stops at Price and Moab, UT total of 213 miles. Arches National Park was as beautiful as everyone says. The hike to the main arches is about 3 miles. It was 103 F. Tina said no, and I said "the kids they can do it, I'll carry 3 gallons of water and we'll take all the time we need!!" I REALLY wanted to go! But a Park Ranger heard me. She said, "that's a great idea Dad, and how you should do it if you needed to, but I agree with your wife that that's not safe for a 'fun' part of your day." We went to the Arches viewpoint... which was still gorgreous!
We got dinner at a pizza place with local beers and looked kinda' fancy, this was in Moab, and we had the place to ourselves (at that time). After dinner we went to our campground and did our process. The Wife tried for a while to back the trailer up into the spot (I'm super glad she's not a helpless Daisy princess) and couldn't quite get it, and I got in and did it on the first try and gave her a hard time relentlessly for the next hour! Karma came and got me in Panama City though, I'll tell that story when I get there... Camping was great, we have a family camping process and we all just kinda' DID it. Kids helped a little and then went and ran around. Wife and I sat and had a few drinks by our fire. So. Nice. But, it WAS sleeping on the ground.
13th - Moab, UT to Espanola, NM stops in Monticell, UT, Durango, CO, and Challa, NM. This was the drive to The Wife's brother. He's a literal rocket scientist. Neat! His house was a TOTAL bachelor pad, he taught us to make Oppenheimer martini's, we played Cards Against Humanity and told us all about his finishing his PhD (yes, the younger brother beat his older sister to the PhD!). Oh, had to come back to write this one... The roads in CO were super great. The roads in NM were NOT. Pay your taxes dear reader.
14th - Break day in New Mexico. We visited White Rock Overlook Park and watched the Rio Grande flow by and then we visited a Pueblo Native cliff dwelling archaeological site/park. We visited Los Alamos, the town that sprang up for all the WWII nuclear researchers. It was all pictures and stories of young people. During the middle of the war. The "we could die at any time, so let's party like it's the end of the world" vibe was STRONG. I suspect there was a LOT of booze and debauchery when that town started! After those three stops, with lunch in Los Alamos, we decided to take a break from being inside a car and spent the day at the bachelor pad having more martini's!
15th - Time to get back on the road, we went from Espanola, NM to Big Springs, TX with stops at Clines Corners NM (one of my new favorite pictures is The Wife and kids in the trailer eating lunch here), our hard copy map showed Roswell, NM on the way for one of our optional routes, we were moving at a pretty good clip and since alien conspiracies aren't a thing for us, and google said it would only add 15 minutes to the drive we went to Roswell! It was pretty neat! We made a stop in Brownfield, TX for gas and snacks and then got to Big Spring, TX. Big Spring smelled very clearly of refinery. It permeated the blankets in our hotel it was so bad. When the hotel staff saw that we were a family and not big Texas roughnecks, or business men, they treated us fairly poorly. We were supposed to have a non-smoking room and it smelled so bad that all of us were coughing almost immediately. They said they didn't have a room and The Wife said "ok kids, let's get back in the car and head to the next town" and they magically friggin' found a room. Jerkwads. When we got up in the morning, a F350 flat bed truck parked about 6 inches from the front of our Subaru. I got a VERY distinct feeling it was just for the sole purpose of irritating some liberal <OFFENSIVE SLUR> passing through in their Subaru. I was tempted to slash their tires, but The Wife convinced me that we should just get the hell out of that shit hole country, er town. I totally meant town. ANYWAY. A whole lot more straight roads to San Antonio.
16th - Big Spring, TX to San Antonio, TX. We stopped at a BBQ place that was owned by a friend of a friend. I was ready for some amazing Texas BBQ. It was underwhelming. I kinda' got the feeling that Texas BBQ when it's IN Texas is given a huge pass because it's "authentic" because it's actually in TX. In my humble opinion, I wasn't impressed, but we made a connection for a friend. Then we got to The Wife's BFF's house!
17th - Break day at The Wife's childhood best friends house in San Antonio. BFF had to work so we went to Sea World! I was excited to see the Sea World Beach Band that entertained me when I was a college music major. No beach band =( LAME. The elder of my children freaked out at real life roller coasters and didn't go on ONE damn ride. I was thankful for my annual military pass that I didn't pay for entry. I swear I would've forced that kids arse onto a roller coaster (no I wouldn't have, but I can definitely tell you we will not pay for another amusement park!). The younger of my children went on a couple of the little kiddo rides with The Wife, and we saw a couple animal shows. I know Sea World has gotten some bad press the past few years because of keeping wild animals in captivity, but I got the vibe that they were doing the best they could FOR the animals. The Orca amphitheater was closed and empty.
When we got back, the BFF gave me a little bit of a hard time for leaving a burner on on her stove. WHOOPS.
18th - Back to it! San Antonio to Lafayette, LA. This side of Texas was REALLY AGGRESSIVE on the freeways. We have a Subaru Outback and it's towing a trailer. We know damn well it's more than that car was meant to do, that's why we're going 60 in the right lane. Calm down Texas. The Wife tried to keep up and I think we caught air with the trailer in Houston, the roads are bad here too. All that oil money and all those millions of miles of road and that's the best you can do Texas?? Anyway, I'm glad we got to see some friends, but Texas can eat it. 416 miles for the day. Hello Louisiana!
19th - In Lafayette, LA we stayed in a hotel again and it was MUCH nicer, I used some of the hotel points I got from my stay during my Army training from the spring! Neat! It didn't stink, and you know, if the schools weren't so bad in Louisiana, there could have been a chance we could land there, but no. So we made it to Pensacola, FL stopped in Covington, LA and Mobile, AL for gas and the Florida welcome center for our Sunpass (toll road account). 306 Miles total and I'm absolutely POSITIVE The Wife caught air leaving LA.
20th - Pensacola to Panama City, FL. We stayed with a friend of my Dad's in Pensacola. Got a first hand account of Hurricane Michael and he took us out in his boat. SO. COOL. We saw Dolphins and massive hurricane destruction. Short day, but that's just damn skippy. Drove through a HUGE rainstorm. So remember in Utah when I gave The Wife a hard time for having trouble backing up the trailer? Yeah, my Dad's friend is a car guy and he has a boat (those often go on trailers) and I told him he couldn't watch me back it up or I'd screw it up, he said "hand me your keys" and had it done in like 3 seconds... Karma for Deadcat42!
21st - Nearing the end. We left Panama City to Davenport. Driving is getting old, kids are finally starting to fight. Almost there. We stayed in a KOA and it was RAD. We made an instant pot soup that was tasty (not a restaurant meal) and there was a playground and a TV in our cabin. It wasn't a long day, but man it FELT long.
22nd - Davenport to Miami. We took our time getting up and enjoyed the KOA, it was the Last Day, we planned for it to be only a couple hundred miles, and our stuff got there too. The Toyota was being delivered in a couple days so we started unpacking and getting settled in until the school year starts.
Since Seattle ended so late and Miami Dade county starts so early I had like 5 weeks and it was all JAM PACKED with moving and stress. Now it's just getting the kids enrolled, finding things for them to do, not getting lost or hit by Miami drivers, getting Tina set up and me finding a job and then a new unit to transfer to.
No biggie!
Monday, March 30, 2020
Saturday, March 28, 2020
2019
Hello again dear reader! So last time we chatted I was a part-time teacher and the STAHD. That was neat! I remember that time fondly... So here's what's happened since then. Get ready for this crazy ride! Whew! Lost of exclamation points!
In June 2016 I found a full time middle school teaching gig for the 17-18 year, so I finished the school year and on the LAST DAY I got into a bike accident and broke my collarbone. HOLY SHITSNACKS IT HURT SO BAD. Even now in 2020 my shoulder will cramp up and if I'm wrestling with my kiddos and they bump the metal plate in my collarbone it's like I get shut off <USER ERROR>. But that's not all that happened during the best summer of my life (sarcasm) I managed to go to my reserve unit annual training in Hawaii, and then when we got back we (my wife and kids) went to Chicago for a family vacay. It was fun, besides the constant pain in my neck/back/shoulder/collar. But whatevs! So while doing all this travelling I managed to pick up Campylobacter. I'm sure there's lots of information on that fun little bug online but my experience with Mr. Lobacter was the 2 weeks before my new school year in a new building started was spent on the toilet and now I can't eat a ton of stuff that I LOVE. Garlic, onions, mushrooms, most pitted fruits, a lot of green veggies. If that sounds like the Irritable Bowel Syndrome diet, well, it is. The campylobacter killed a lot of my gut flora and fauna and now I have IBS. I hate it. I drank orange juice once and about DIED. YUCK!
Ok, so I'm at my middle school and then I happen to find a community band to conduct. OH. MY. GAWD. It was so much fun!!! They were such GREAT people! I also got accepted in my military career to be a warrant officer and work in logistics! WOW. SO MUCH HAPPENING. So 2018-2019 I'm now a reserve Warrant officer, middle school teacher with band and orchestra and ukulele (which was SO COOL!), a community band conductor so I got to start doing all my favorite band hits with a group of people that could play it, a Dad with two great kids, and I coached my son's baseball team!
What's that you say? What was the wife doing?? Oh. Well... One year she was at her dream high school choir teacher gig, then she got displaced to a middle school, then she got chased off of that job by a HUGELY toxic principal, then she taught community college and a little bug bit her... Then this last year I'm talking about 2018, her and I and our kids were for the first last and only time, all working in the same school district. Yay! She was teaching elementary general music. We were all on the same schedule and we had 2 full time incomes for the first time EVAR. WOOOOOO HOOOOO!!! Let's pay some BILLS! Let's raise kids and let's retire! What's that you say? Oh, right... I mentioned a bug. Well... yeah. About that. All this money making and stability and money making just wasn't cool with the wife. Yeah, she applied for a PhD program. The professors at this particular institution were ECSTATIC about what she was bringing to the table and she not only got a full ride, but she gets a stipend. They're going to PAY her to get her PhD at a pretty doggone decent music school. Aw shit. Also, that bill paying thing? Selling our house in Seattle (I loved that house) pays off all our debt. All of it. Student loans, cars, credit, everything. Shit.
So from February 2018 to now, as our Pandemic is ramping up (which I'll write about later because of all the free time I have for the moment), we: Came to Miami for the interview and got accepted, made the decision to move 3314 miles with 2 kids, I told all my people that I was super happy with (and they were happy with me!) that we were leaving, I got the last 3 months of the school year covered (And got my long term sub a job when he was done with my school kiddos), I did my 10 week Warrant officer Basic Course, we put our house up for sale, after WOBC I did my normal 2 week annual training (first AT not in a band!), we packed up our house (that had been on the market for 6 weeks by this point), and we moved to Miami, FL. I'll write a separate blog post about the trip, because I want to put the trip into my words, it was actually a fun road trip!
When we got here our now rental house was almost finished being cleaned and fixed. But not quite. This caused some unnecessary stress, but it's fine now (After 8 months or so of cleaning and fixing things). So now we're in Miami! We got the kids enrolled in school, and the wife settled in at her new fancy PhD program, we transferred my GI Bill and she started getting her stipend. What do I do now? How are we going to pay for all this??? OH I HAVE TO GET A JOB. Luckily, Miami-Dade County has a ridiculous shortage of teachers. Mostly because teaching in Florida is just stupid. Right to work my ass... but let's not get off topic now Deadcat42... I found the open schools, wrote some cover letters, and walked into the buildings with a cover letter and a resume and if the principal was available, I talked directly with them! I got offered a couple gigs this way, but ended up teaching band and orchestra at a high school .6 miles from the beaches that are on TV! WOAH. I mean, the school is a hawt mess, I'm the 5th band teacher in 5 years. They guys prior to me all lived a couple hours drive and they just could NOT sustain their commute, completely understandable! I have kids in the wrong classes, I don't have appropriate music, nobody remembers what a good band/orchestra is supposed to do, and the kids are used to slackin'. Not their fault, and they're coming around really fast, but it was a challenge to start, that's for sure!
So here it is. In the last 16 months we've both COMPLETELY changed our careers (two careers for me!), moved the furthest you could in the continental US, and started up in Miami, Florida. Since we've been here, we prepped for hurricane Dorian, taken students to their first concerts/festivals in YEARS, sold our Seattle house and are now debt free, and we've set up our routines with our family in a new and QUITE different culture and environment. We're all learning a TON.
Now a pandemic?! Wow. Uhm. Ok life. Thank you? I mean, considering all that's happened recently, this is the first time we've all had a chance to stop and take the time to emotionally and mentally recover from all these drastic changes, but did we have to do it THIS way?
Anyway... I miss my Seattle peeps, my family, my mountains. I hope you're doing well reader.
In June 2016 I found a full time middle school teaching gig for the 17-18 year, so I finished the school year and on the LAST DAY I got into a bike accident and broke my collarbone. HOLY SHITSNACKS IT HURT SO BAD. Even now in 2020 my shoulder will cramp up and if I'm wrestling with my kiddos and they bump the metal plate in my collarbone it's like I get shut off <USER ERROR>. But that's not all that happened during the best summer of my life (sarcasm) I managed to go to my reserve unit annual training in Hawaii, and then when we got back we (my wife and kids) went to Chicago for a family vacay. It was fun, besides the constant pain in my neck/back/shoulder/collar. But whatevs! So while doing all this travelling I managed to pick up Campylobacter. I'm sure there's lots of information on that fun little bug online but my experience with Mr. Lobacter was the 2 weeks before my new school year in a new building started was spent on the toilet and now I can't eat a ton of stuff that I LOVE. Garlic, onions, mushrooms, most pitted fruits, a lot of green veggies. If that sounds like the Irritable Bowel Syndrome diet, well, it is. The campylobacter killed a lot of my gut flora and fauna and now I have IBS. I hate it. I drank orange juice once and about DIED. YUCK!
Ok, so I'm at my middle school and then I happen to find a community band to conduct. OH. MY. GAWD. It was so much fun!!! They were such GREAT people! I also got accepted in my military career to be a warrant officer and work in logistics! WOW. SO MUCH HAPPENING. So 2018-2019 I'm now a reserve Warrant officer, middle school teacher with band and orchestra and ukulele (which was SO COOL!), a community band conductor so I got to start doing all my favorite band hits with a group of people that could play it, a Dad with two great kids, and I coached my son's baseball team!
What's that you say? What was the wife doing?? Oh. Well... One year she was at her dream high school choir teacher gig, then she got displaced to a middle school, then she got chased off of that job by a HUGELY toxic principal, then she taught community college and a little bug bit her... Then this last year I'm talking about 2018, her and I and our kids were for the first last and only time, all working in the same school district. Yay! She was teaching elementary general music. We were all on the same schedule and we had 2 full time incomes for the first time EVAR. WOOOOOO HOOOOO!!! Let's pay some BILLS! Let's raise kids and let's retire! What's that you say? Oh, right... I mentioned a bug. Well... yeah. About that. All this money making and stability and money making just wasn't cool with the wife. Yeah, she applied for a PhD program. The professors at this particular institution were ECSTATIC about what she was bringing to the table and she not only got a full ride, but she gets a stipend. They're going to PAY her to get her PhD at a pretty doggone decent music school. Aw shit. Also, that bill paying thing? Selling our house in Seattle (I loved that house) pays off all our debt. All of it. Student loans, cars, credit, everything. Shit.
So from February 2018 to now, as our Pandemic is ramping up (which I'll write about later because of all the free time I have for the moment), we: Came to Miami for the interview and got accepted, made the decision to move 3314 miles with 2 kids, I told all my people that I was super happy with (and they were happy with me!) that we were leaving, I got the last 3 months of the school year covered (And got my long term sub a job when he was done with my school kiddos), I did my 10 week Warrant officer Basic Course, we put our house up for sale, after WOBC I did my normal 2 week annual training (first AT not in a band!), we packed up our house (that had been on the market for 6 weeks by this point), and we moved to Miami, FL. I'll write a separate blog post about the trip, because I want to put the trip into my words, it was actually a fun road trip!
When we got here our now rental house was almost finished being cleaned and fixed. But not quite. This caused some unnecessary stress, but it's fine now (After 8 months or so of cleaning and fixing things). So now we're in Miami! We got the kids enrolled in school, and the wife settled in at her new fancy PhD program, we transferred my GI Bill and she started getting her stipend. What do I do now? How are we going to pay for all this??? OH I HAVE TO GET A JOB. Luckily, Miami-Dade County has a ridiculous shortage of teachers. Mostly because teaching in Florida is just stupid. Right to work my ass... but let's not get off topic now Deadcat42... I found the open schools, wrote some cover letters, and walked into the buildings with a cover letter and a resume and if the principal was available, I talked directly with them! I got offered a couple gigs this way, but ended up teaching band and orchestra at a high school .6 miles from the beaches that are on TV! WOAH. I mean, the school is a hawt mess, I'm the 5th band teacher in 5 years. They guys prior to me all lived a couple hours drive and they just could NOT sustain their commute, completely understandable! I have kids in the wrong classes, I don't have appropriate music, nobody remembers what a good band/orchestra is supposed to do, and the kids are used to slackin'. Not their fault, and they're coming around really fast, but it was a challenge to start, that's for sure!
So here it is. In the last 16 months we've both COMPLETELY changed our careers (two careers for me!), moved the furthest you could in the continental US, and started up in Miami, Florida. Since we've been here, we prepped for hurricane Dorian, taken students to their first concerts/festivals in YEARS, sold our Seattle house and are now debt free, and we've set up our routines with our family in a new and QUITE different culture and environment. We're all learning a TON.
Now a pandemic?! Wow. Uhm. Ok life. Thank you? I mean, considering all that's happened recently, this is the first time we've all had a chance to stop and take the time to emotionally and mentally recover from all these drastic changes, but did we have to do it THIS way?
Anyway... I miss my Seattle peeps, my family, my mountains. I hope you're doing well reader.
Breadwinner NOT BREADWINNER
I wrote this in 2015.
You know my dear reader... I forgot I even had a blog (kinda'... It was way back there in the back of my head). I'm glad I found it again! I've had some stuff on my mind and maybe this can help me process it.
For the last 7 years, since my oldest child was born, I've been the primary breadwinner for my family. I taught high school, then I was active duty military (active guard reserve in Oregon). Over time in my AGR position I started wanting to get back into teaching, I think I was emotionally recovering from my first few teaching jobs. Some pretty rough things happened! Anyway, the chance to move out of my AGR position without too much impact came, and this past year we uprooted the whole fam damily and moved from whence we came back in 2003.
We took some risks and moved here without gainful employment. It's not that we didn't try, obviously moving to a new city with kids, but without employment is a bad idea, it's that my teaching certificate wasn't active or current so no one wanted to hire me, and in my wife's case, it's because she was applying for the jobs she REALLY wanted. We both figured that there was such a HUGE shortage of teachers and subs that we could at least sub, or get the late August elementary itinerant jobs, either way, we'd be able to pay rent and eat. So we moved!
The day we signed our lease in our apartment, literally as the landlord was here with us signing papers, Tina got her dream job. Well... she got called for an interview and it was a "we can't tell you to stop applying for other jobs, but you're the only person we're interviewing for this position" type of phone call, so... yeah, there ya' go. Anyway, point is, she got a full time teaching position. Which meant that I was going to be the primary parent. I had been thinking about switching that role with my wife for this move because I would often get frustrated at the way she did things at home. It's nothing big, it's just not the way I'd do it, and blah blah blah enter standard married couple complaint here. You ever read that kids book "Goofy Minds the House?" It's like that! Bottom line is that I thought I could do it better. So, neat! I'm a stay-at-home-Dad! STAHD! Weee!! Then I got a part-time job teaching band! So back into teaching only part time and then STAHD! Weee?
We're going into a couple years in on this little STAHD project and there are some things I was expecting and some things that I wasn't. Some things I was expecting: I do 80% of the housework. Laundry, dishes, cooking, basic chores. My wife is pretty good at seeing when I'm pretty sick of something in particular and getting on top of it for a few days, but I do the majority of the stuff. I have had the time to learn some cool cooking techniques, fermenting, making sourdough, doing some more beer brewing, figuring out the Kamato pot (big green egg is the company that makes 'em now) my Grandpa gave to me for barbecueing or smoking, and hopefully figuring out how to make cheese soon. I was able to do almost ALL of the paperwork for buying our house, and I've been Johnny on the Spot for almost all of the "emergencies" (in quotes because they're minor "I forgot the eggs at the store" type emergencies) that have come up in the course of having a young family. I have done fairly well with all these things.
Some things I did not expect. The time my wife threw her being the primary breadwinner in my face. We were arguing about something, I don't remember what and it doesn't really matter, but she said something along the lines of "well since I make the money now..." Oh? Ok then. I don't recall ME ever saying anything that offensive and asshole-ish in the 7 years I was paying the bills? I also did not expect that comment to hurt for as long as it did. Am I being a shitbag?! Should I quit teaching (again) and find another job (again) and make money?!
These are my questions!!??
You know my dear reader... I forgot I even had a blog (kinda'... It was way back there in the back of my head). I'm glad I found it again! I've had some stuff on my mind and maybe this can help me process it.
For the last 7 years, since my oldest child was born, I've been the primary breadwinner for my family. I taught high school, then I was active duty military (active guard reserve in Oregon). Over time in my AGR position I started wanting to get back into teaching, I think I was emotionally recovering from my first few teaching jobs. Some pretty rough things happened! Anyway, the chance to move out of my AGR position without too much impact came, and this past year we uprooted the whole fam damily and moved from whence we came back in 2003.
We took some risks and moved here without gainful employment. It's not that we didn't try, obviously moving to a new city with kids, but without employment is a bad idea, it's that my teaching certificate wasn't active or current so no one wanted to hire me, and in my wife's case, it's because she was applying for the jobs she REALLY wanted. We both figured that there was such a HUGE shortage of teachers and subs that we could at least sub, or get the late August elementary itinerant jobs, either way, we'd be able to pay rent and eat. So we moved!
The day we signed our lease in our apartment, literally as the landlord was here with us signing papers, Tina got her dream job. Well... she got called for an interview and it was a "we can't tell you to stop applying for other jobs, but you're the only person we're interviewing for this position" type of phone call, so... yeah, there ya' go. Anyway, point is, she got a full time teaching position. Which meant that I was going to be the primary parent. I had been thinking about switching that role with my wife for this move because I would often get frustrated at the way she did things at home. It's nothing big, it's just not the way I'd do it, and blah blah blah enter standard married couple complaint here. You ever read that kids book "Goofy Minds the House?" It's like that! Bottom line is that I thought I could do it better. So, neat! I'm a stay-at-home-Dad! STAHD! Weee!! Then I got a part-time job teaching band! So back into teaching only part time and then STAHD! Weee?
We're going into a couple years in on this little STAHD project and there are some things I was expecting and some things that I wasn't. Some things I was expecting: I do 80% of the housework. Laundry, dishes, cooking, basic chores. My wife is pretty good at seeing when I'm pretty sick of something in particular and getting on top of it for a few days, but I do the majority of the stuff. I have had the time to learn some cool cooking techniques, fermenting, making sourdough, doing some more beer brewing, figuring out the Kamato pot (big green egg is the company that makes 'em now) my Grandpa gave to me for barbecueing or smoking, and hopefully figuring out how to make cheese soon. I was able to do almost ALL of the paperwork for buying our house, and I've been Johnny on the Spot for almost all of the "emergencies" (in quotes because they're minor "I forgot the eggs at the store" type emergencies) that have come up in the course of having a young family. I have done fairly well with all these things.
Some things I did not expect. The time my wife threw her being the primary breadwinner in my face. We were arguing about something, I don't remember what and it doesn't really matter, but she said something along the lines of "well since I make the money now..." Oh? Ok then. I don't recall ME ever saying anything that offensive and asshole-ish in the 7 years I was paying the bills? I also did not expect that comment to hurt for as long as it did. Am I being a shitbag?! Should I quit teaching (again) and find another job (again) and make money?!
These are my questions!!??
HAHAHA! SO FUNNY! I'M A STALKER! HAHA!
This happened in 2016. I was very angry when I wrote it.
Hello again dear reader! I had an interaction with people last night and I'm angry frustrated and confused.
First, a little about me... I'm a reservist. I'm a good Soldier. When ordered to jump, I say "How high Sir?" I'm a good Dad, I cook the meals and entertain the kids and pay the bills. I've tried to be a good husband, I did my two years as a STAHD, I've taken the heat when finances get too hot, I've done the chores when the wife needs a break. I'm a good teacher, I meet kids where they are, I strive to be inclusive not exclusive (which is a problem in my subject area) I work my butt off for the kids (student kids, not my kids). What I'm getting at is that I try my damnedest to be a good guy. I'm a pleaser type personality. I like helping people and I like making people smile and/or laugh, and I like making the world a better place.
But I have one HUGE problem.
I'm a white man.
When I meet someone, it assumed immediately that I am a dude-bro Chad-tastic racist ass douche nozzle that is clearly hitting on, stalking, roofying, molesting, raping, and getting away with it.
I started to notice this when my kids were little and I was active duty. I was in uniform a lot. Guys in uniform are typically seen as safe (at least here in the U.S., I imagine that uniform means something quite different on another continent... but that's not what we're discussing right now) for whatever reason, and if I smiled at another person, male or female, they smiled back. If I made a comment on the weather, they talked back. It was nice and polite. I also noticed this when I had my kiddos with me (mine, not the students). Other women, young and old, looked at me and smiled, or they talked to me (usually first!) about the weather or when their kids were young. Nobody judged my parenting, nobody critiqued me, nobody said anything about how great it was to see a father with his kids without Mommy around. Other Dad's and I would exchange the "struggle is real" glances, but never really say anything because of man rules, other non-Dad men would usually smile, but I could guess they were smiling at the fact that it was me and not them. Which is fine, I WANTED to have kids! If they don't want kids then for cryin' out loud DON'T.
So back to the point here... I started to notice that when I was not in uniform or when I was alone and I would smile or make polite small talk with people, their reactions were significantly different. I definitely got accustomed to polite interactions and it was very jarring to get the "why are you hitting on me old man" response. Or the "you and your privilege" response. I get it. I absolutely acknowledge my white male privilege. I was just trying to be polite. My bad.
So I stopped.
I stopped making polite small talk. I stopped offering polite assistance. I stopped being my pleaser attitude self, I stopped working so hard, I stopped making the coffee for my wife, I stopped doing my share of the chores, I stopped cracking jokes, I stopped hugging my daughter.
Last night my wife and I were on a parents night out. We stopped at a Target to use the bathroom and out of minor guilt, we were buying something. My wife was the purchaser and I stood a respectful subordinate 3-4 feet behind her while she was checking out. The cashier looked at me accusatorially, "Who the fuck are you white boy?" I politely responded "I'm with her," and my wife confirmed. The cashier and my wife then proceeded to joke about the cashiers hand being on the stalker button and how we all just gotta' make sure that I'm not a stalker and thanks for getting my back. They were having a good ole' time.
Meanwhile,
HAHAHA! SO FUNNY! I'M A STALKER! HAHA!
I already mentioned that I firmly acknowledge white privilege. Read my blog posts from years ago. I've been in the abused child jail time track. But I had the opportunity to get out of it. Many people of color don't have that chance. I have tried most of my life to help lift others up. But I'm white. The general response is that I am incapable of understanding the plight of others. I assure you I do. I have proven it again and again to different groups of people. But guys. I'm getting old. I'm tired of proving it to more people. I'm tired of being treated like a chad-tastic-dude-bro-whatever-I-said-earlier and then not being able to stand up for myself. If I stand up for myself, like I did with my wife later in the evening, I'm being "overly sensitive, I ruined the night, it wasn't intended like that, why did you stand their awkward and make her think you were a stalker."
Seriously?! Isn't that victim blaming? I mean I hate claiming to be a victim here because I'm not a victim, but pretty sure that's what you would call victim blaming... Or am I mansplaining that?
I'm trying to be better for the world people... I know you are angry at white men. I'm angry at white men too! Or orange depending on your perspective... I will take as much of your anger as I can, but I'm not that guy, and I'm reaching my capacity.
When I assumed things about people in my youth, I got corrected and berated for it and I fixed my behaviors. Can you be the change you force on me? Can you be a good person first rather than assuming I'm a stalker?
Hello again dear reader! I had an interaction with people last night and I'm angry frustrated and confused.
First, a little about me... I'm a reservist. I'm a good Soldier. When ordered to jump, I say "How high Sir?" I'm a good Dad, I cook the meals and entertain the kids and pay the bills. I've tried to be a good husband, I did my two years as a STAHD, I've taken the heat when finances get too hot, I've done the chores when the wife needs a break. I'm a good teacher, I meet kids where they are, I strive to be inclusive not exclusive (which is a problem in my subject area) I work my butt off for the kids (student kids, not my kids). What I'm getting at is that I try my damnedest to be a good guy. I'm a pleaser type personality. I like helping people and I like making people smile and/or laugh, and I like making the world a better place.
But I have one HUGE problem.
I'm a white man.
When I meet someone, it assumed immediately that I am a dude-bro Chad-tastic racist ass douche nozzle that is clearly hitting on, stalking, roofying, molesting, raping, and getting away with it.
I started to notice this when my kids were little and I was active duty. I was in uniform a lot. Guys in uniform are typically seen as safe (at least here in the U.S., I imagine that uniform means something quite different on another continent... but that's not what we're discussing right now) for whatever reason, and if I smiled at another person, male or female, they smiled back. If I made a comment on the weather, they talked back. It was nice and polite. I also noticed this when I had my kiddos with me (mine, not the students). Other women, young and old, looked at me and smiled, or they talked to me (usually first!) about the weather or when their kids were young. Nobody judged my parenting, nobody critiqued me, nobody said anything about how great it was to see a father with his kids without Mommy around. Other Dad's and I would exchange the "struggle is real" glances, but never really say anything because of man rules, other non-Dad men would usually smile, but I could guess they were smiling at the fact that it was me and not them. Which is fine, I WANTED to have kids! If they don't want kids then for cryin' out loud DON'T.
So back to the point here... I started to notice that when I was not in uniform or when I was alone and I would smile or make polite small talk with people, their reactions were significantly different. I definitely got accustomed to polite interactions and it was very jarring to get the "why are you hitting on me old man" response. Or the "you and your privilege" response. I get it. I absolutely acknowledge my white male privilege. I was just trying to be polite. My bad.
So I stopped.
I stopped making polite small talk. I stopped offering polite assistance. I stopped being my pleaser attitude self, I stopped working so hard, I stopped making the coffee for my wife, I stopped doing my share of the chores, I stopped cracking jokes, I stopped hugging my daughter.
Last night my wife and I were on a parents night out. We stopped at a Target to use the bathroom and out of minor guilt, we were buying something. My wife was the purchaser and I stood a respectful subordinate 3-4 feet behind her while she was checking out. The cashier looked at me accusatorially, "Who the fuck are you white boy?" I politely responded "I'm with her," and my wife confirmed. The cashier and my wife then proceeded to joke about the cashiers hand being on the stalker button and how we all just gotta' make sure that I'm not a stalker and thanks for getting my back. They were having a good ole' time.
Meanwhile,
HAHAHA! SO FUNNY! I'M A STALKER! HAHA!
I already mentioned that I firmly acknowledge white privilege. Read my blog posts from years ago. I've been in the abused child jail time track. But I had the opportunity to get out of it. Many people of color don't have that chance. I have tried most of my life to help lift others up. But I'm white. The general response is that I am incapable of understanding the plight of others. I assure you I do. I have proven it again and again to different groups of people. But guys. I'm getting old. I'm tired of proving it to more people. I'm tired of being treated like a chad-tastic-dude-bro-whatever-I-said-earlier and then not being able to stand up for myself. If I stand up for myself, like I did with my wife later in the evening, I'm being "overly sensitive, I ruined the night, it wasn't intended like that, why did you stand their awkward and make her think you were a stalker."
Seriously?! Isn't that victim blaming? I mean I hate claiming to be a victim here because I'm not a victim, but pretty sure that's what you would call victim blaming... Or am I mansplaining that?
I'm trying to be better for the world people... I know you are angry at white men. I'm angry at white men too! Or orange depending on your perspective... I will take as much of your anger as I can, but I'm not that guy, and I'm reaching my capacity.
When I assumed things about people in my youth, I got corrected and berated for it and I fixed my behaviors. Can you be the change you force on me? Can you be a good person first rather than assuming I'm a stalker?
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