Ok I said I wasn't going to ACTUALLY write a book, but maybe I lied... So my Mom drops us off with Dad and Toni in August of '88. The next year I was in 5th grade. I have to honestly say that I have NO idea how things went for Heidi that year, because it was pretty horrible for me. In Renton, I had figured out to not get made fun off, I had figured out who and when to fight (and who to NOT fight), where to stay away from, and all those things you learn as a kid, but don't really realize you know. Street smarts is what I'm saying. So Dad lived in Richmond Beach and my school was Syre Elementary in the Shoreline school district. So the first syllable of my neighborhood, it was "Rich." I went from a pretty rough neighborhood, to normal, intact, well to do, upper middle class kids. They acted fairly different, to say the least. I did NOT fit in well. Even my teacher had problems with me, and even not knowing how to adjust, I was a smart kid. I didn't like him much either, but not because he was generally a bad person, but because he didn't know what to do with a ghetto kid. Dude needed some professional development as we say in the teaching field! That's all, and I can forgive that. The kids there however, were ruthless!! I got made fun of for new things, learned about gossip (and not in a good way), got suspended once for my potty mouth, had other kids parents ban me from their house... etc etc... but honestly, I was confused as hell why I was getting in all this trouble! It was all bizniss as usual for me...
So school was traumatic, but that's the same for every kid. At home with Dad, it wasn't much different. So imagine if you will that you have two kids that you do love, but don't get to see very much. Then imagine that you find them on your doorstep one morning. It's a little different than seeing them every other weekend. Dad and Toni were NOT prepared. Our house was a 2 bedroom shack, with half the house made from the bodies of two buses. At one point later that school year, Dad was in the living room doing some re-modelling, we were in our room. He yells "TYSON, HEIDI GET OUT OF THE HOUSE NOW!!!" We run through the living room and he's on a ladder holding the ceiling up!!! We got out of the house. He came after the ceiling fell down, NOT on him. Whew! But that's the house we were in... Back to when we got there... Dad had a dealer friend living in the back room, and Dad kind of had to kick him out, so Heidi and I could have a room. I'm not sure exactly the sorts of activities that Dad and Toni were up to, they hid it a bit better than Mom did, but I'm suspicious that it still involved drugs. Dad pretty quickly decided that if he had his kids, he should probably stop dealing and bringing that danger around us, to his credit he did at the end of the school year.
On the path to being parents there were still mistakes that Dad and Toni made. Toni is also a very passionate person who has some childhood issues of outright physical abuse from her step dad. The way she deals with her problems, at least back then, was not the healthiest and the way her and my Dad fought (and still fight!) make's me REALLY uncomfortable. The added stress of two kids that they were expecting in a year or two did not help them. It was a responsibility they weren't ready for. There was one time Heidi and I went to see "The Land Before Time" at a movie theater a couple miles down the street. We went by ourselves and when the movie was over we were supposed to call on the pay phone and dad would come get us. We did that. No answer. Again. No answer. We snuck into "Ernest Saves Christmas" I thought Dad would be mad that I hadn't called and finally come get us. No answer. We watched Land Before Time again. Phone was of the hook. Ernest again, off the hook. I can't remember what finally happened, but obviously, we did get home. I think I called my Grandma Pam (paternal Grandma) and she sent Grandpa Danny to sober Dad up. I'm betting it wasn't a pleasant conversation...
Near the end of the school year, Dad got a bug in his bonnet about not having us grow up around gangs. Like I said a few paragraphs ago, I realize now as an adult that he was starting to make an effort to get us away from his past life. I thought it was silly at the time, my cousins dealt with gangs in Renton, there weren't any (at the time) in Shoreline... "What's Dad all weird about" (maybe his drug buddies? Maybe?)? Whatever the case, we moved to Marysville, WA. Dad bought a house that was pretty trashed and we cleaned and fixed it up quick. So in Marysville, I found that white trash is not very different from ghetto, they just speak a different language and listen to different (but just as crappy) music. Oh! I forgot! It might not seem important yet, but Syre had a GREAT beginning band program. Praise Bob.
Anyway, school starts in the "Ville." 6th grade at Marysville Middle School for me, Kindergarten at Shoultes elementary for Heids. Toni had a trip planned to see her friend in Florence, OR the second weekend of September. It seemed like the pressure was on for Dad to not screw up a weekend with us alone. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately?) he did, screw it up that is. Grandma Pam told us if anything happened to give her a call. So Friday when Dad didn't come home, I did.
So this is where I started to learn that things hadn't been right for me and Heidi for a LONG time. Grandma came up and made a big deal about Dad being gone, about us moving again, and about how I've done a good job with Heidi. She made us "Kid Coffee" and brought us back to her house. In retrospect, I think this was the opportunity she had been waiting for for a few years. Her and Grandpa Danny had given Dad an ultimatum to get his shit together in this move, and if he didn't, she would be taking us for the school year. What's ironic about this whole story is that when I got up in the morning and went out into the backyard (for whatever reason a kid would do that...) I found Dad sleeping on a hammock in Grandma's backyard. I went back in and told Grandma that I found Dad in the backyard. I've never actually made my Grandma angry, but I bet she "ripped off his arm and beat him with the bloody end of it." That was her joke way of saying she was gonna let someone have it. I think Dad got there that day. Proverbially, of course... So Heidi and I lived with Grandma Pam for a year. We had easy rules (Grandma tells me now that I was afraid to break any rules at all because I thought she might get rid of us, probably pretty accurate), we had consistent bedtimes, a routine, schedules... no chaos is what I'm saying. Grandma tells me I finally felt comfortable enough to get in trouble (like any normal 12 year old) around February. Whatever the case, Dad finally had the time and motivation to get his shit together and prepare mentally and financially to be a parent, and we moved back in with him in July. Toni didn't know what she was in for, still. So it was a little bit more difficult with her, but I'm getting ahead of myself now.
Back to Marysville we go!
well, you definitely glossed over a bit, but like you said...you're not writing a book! <3 your writing bro. glad you started the blog :)
ReplyDeleteI feel like I was reading a good book and it ended right in the middle! I would like a part 4 & 5:)
ReplyDeleteSince we live far enough apart it is hard to visit with you in person and because it is your wife I usually talk to, I am finding this very informative and helpful. I have felt that you and I have more in common than just music (and music is a big one for me)...and I hope we can finally share some of that stuff someday. I don't mindbarf as well as you (I never got my Masters). But I will certainly check in from time to time to see how the "book" is coming.
ReplyDeleteAs far as putting into print some of the things that your family may not like.....just save that stuff for your kids to talk about in person. God will make sure you have the opportunity. Or just put it in and it will become something you have to work through with the ones who are offended. That will make your relationships stronger. Besides, you will be suprised at how most of that stuff probably won't bother them as much as you have thought. Your mind can be a tricky place.
You are in my prayers Tyson. Yer Auntie in law
PS: I would find a new meaning for your name somewhere. It's a good name and you deserve a better vision of yourself.
Many times in our relationship, you tell me something that I eventually decide is correct and you say "well if you had just listened to me in the first place, sweetie..."
ReplyDeleteWell here's my turn: Every time you told me a little part of this story (or I heard bits from other family members), I thought the same thing. How the F did you turn out not only normal, but a productive member of society and a damn good husband and father? (I think I know the answer but I'll save that can of worms for an off-line conversation ;))
And to explain to others reading this why I told him that not everyone can come back from a childhood like that: Often people who have similar chaos in their life are surrounded by it, even in their extended family. You and Heidi were very lucky that you had grandparents and aunts and uncles who were a much better example to follow. You could see the contrast, and the immediate and long term consequences of either path. Imagine how different things would have been if a) your dad hadn't stopped dealing b) your mom's family had all been living in the projects with similar lifestyles or c) Grandma and Grandpa Ripley hadn't been able (or willing) to take you both in for that year. Those are circumstances that completely affected your choices and opportunities that you know full well some people don't have. =)
OK edit, and a part 4. yeesh.
ReplyDelete